A couple of nights back I was watching a program on BBC about Barbara Hepworth, a brilliant British artist, who died in 1975. She made wonderful organic sculptures, that invite touching and otherwise sensing. However, one thing I found interesting was the point at which the narrator said that her marriage was falling apart because she was incapable of combining work and family. She was left to take care of the children alone when Ben Nicholson (her one-time husband) would go away on sudden trips, and were therefore unable to work as much as she would want to. It reminded me of a conversation I had in Copenhagen, about women's ability to do just this: combine career and children. I do believe that it can be done; that women can succesfully juggle these two - I do also believe that they must have help to do it. There has to be a partner (man/woman), or money for day-care/cleaner/all-round help. I think that a large part of the problem is that women either want the over-all control or have been brought up thinking that she must be weak that she cannot cope with her own house-hold. I think that many women must learn to delegate work around the house and involve the children and the partner (I'm writing specifically about male partners here). I think women must learn to relax and realise that just because the man's way of doing dishes differs from her own, doesn't mean that it is wrong. I think that some women (myself included) must learn that having help in the house does not necessarily make them evil, capitalist, lazy and superficial.
And for the men...
I don't understand why it is always men who must do this and that and travel so that it is the woman who must sacrifice her career. Why does he not feel a greater bond with his family? I actually think that times are changing and my friends who are parents now, seem very close with their children; which is why I believe that a career can be combined with a family because new fathers are interested in sticking around and helping out. I do think that men could try to be more helpful and less stubborn. Relationships are about compromises and often women lose out because they cannot be bothered having the same discussion over and over again. Such as: 'why can't you put your socks into the laundry-basket/wipe the table/do dishes/empty the bin?' Perhaps sometimes men should try to do something they don't like doing for the sake of their relationship?
That said, I'm not dissatisfied with the way these things work in my own personal relationship and I think that the norm is changing, at least where I am in the world, both physically and mentally. Of course, if a couple consists of two equally ambitious people, having children could become a problem. Which is normal, I guess. Then the choice must be made. It cannot be different.

Tinka's literary challenge comprises, amongst others, a bit of Baudelaire: I can only support this choice - I don't know exactly what it is about him, but he is wildly fascinating, morbid, sad, decadent, wide awake (although probably not). I can also recommend Angela Carter's short story 'Black Venus', for a different view on the poet and his muse. Finally check out Manet's portrait of Jeanne Duval (the black venus): the exotic prostitute clothed and put into an altogether different context, looking uncomfortable and stiff.

'The way her silky garments undulate
It seems she's dancing as she walks along,
Like serpents that the sacred charmers make
To move in rhythms of their waving wands.

Like desert sands and skies she is as well,
As unconcerned with human misery,
Like the long networks of the ocean's swells
Unfolding with insensibility.

Her polished eyes are made of charming stones,
And in her essence, where the natures mix
Of holy angel and the ancient sphinx,

Where all is lit with gold, steel, diamonds,
A useless star, it shines eternally,
The sterile woman's frigid majesty.'
- Baudelaire: 'The way her silky garments...'
posted by charlotte at 17:58 - comment