Saturday, August 16, 2003
At the tender age of approximately 6 months, I was adopted from South Korea by Danish parents. I have never since been to South Korea and have no contacts there whatsoever. I don't speak Korean and have no recollection of what it is like there.
Most commonly asked questions:
- Are you not curious as to what it is like there?
- Very. It seems like a beautiful, mysterious country. It must be weird being in a place where everyone looks like you. I am, however, equally curious to see North America, South America and Australia + all the other places I have never been. South Korea has no specific importance to me, strange as it may sound.
- Don't you want to find your real parents?
- As far as I'm concerned, my parents are my real parents. I don't need other parents. I have no need to meet people who probably had a perfectly good reason to give me away and who probably don't need me in their lives. If they are alive at all. I came from an orphanage, which is as far as my history goes. It's just doesn't seem worth it.
- Are you not grateful to your parents that they adopted you?
- Well, yes, I am aware that my life is much better now than it would have been, had they not. On the other hand, I do not spend my time being grateful for escaping something which I do not know what is. The human mind (and heart) doesn't work that way. Are you eternally grateful for your parents deciding to have you?
- What is your real name?
- My real name is Charlotte. I was given another name, which was written on my papers when I arrived in Denmark. I don't know who gave it to me or under which circumstances, but I do know that my parents decided upon Charlotte, the name with which I am baptised, a name which they cherished and have called me ever since. I am Charlotte.
- Have you ever come across racism?
- Sometimes. Up until I was a teen, I never noticed anything - both because I was too young to know, I guess, and also because things weren't that bad then. When more asylum seekers came to Denmark and they were more obvious in the streets, racism came too. People have shouted at me in the street. A guy I went to school with, told me once that he thought I was a nice person, but unfortunately it was very difficult for him to be friends with me, because he didn't like foreigners. He wasn't very clever but it still hurt. Both because he didn't want to be friends with me because of the way I looked but also because he saw me as a foreigner. However, I mainly encounter ignorance. I don't like when people refer to my parents as my adoptive parents. How they got me has nothing to do with anything.
In London, most people assume that I am Japanese. That's cool, Japanese people are cool people. Although I don't understand why men (and it is usually men) feel the need to address me in "my own language", greeting me with "Konichiwa" (which it, by the way, took me quite a while to find out what actually meant.) But that's not really a race-issue. That's just weird. What's different is also that people over here don't really seem to understand it when I say that I'm adopted. I think most people here who are adopted, are adopted from England itself.
Most people seem to think that being adopted is ultimately going to be a problem for the adoptee. But it doesn't have to be. I think that the problems (for me, anyway) only occur when people want to make them into a problem. I never saw myself as being a troubled child (on account of adoption) until many people started pointing out that it must be. Must. Then I started thinking about it, too much I think. I think it can be a problem especially if you are adopted late in life and have some sort of recollection of the life you left behind. That doesn't mean that I don't endorse adoption; I think under most circumstances, having parents is better than not having any. No matter where in the world they are. Which is also why I thoroughly endorse adoption by gay and lesbians. A gay parent is as competent in the parenting field as everyone else. What about the people who have kids and then come out of the closet? Not all adoptive parents are great parents, I know. But not all so-called "real" parents are either.
What I find weirdest is that whenever the adoption-debate rears its head in the media, adoptees are never asked for their opinions. There are interviews with so-called specialists and psychiatrists and agencies, but never do they speak to a well-rounded assortment of adopted children. Wouldn't that be the first place to go?
Most commonly asked questions:
- Are you not curious as to what it is like there?
- Very. It seems like a beautiful, mysterious country. It must be weird being in a place where everyone looks like you. I am, however, equally curious to see North America, South America and Australia + all the other places I have never been. South Korea has no specific importance to me, strange as it may sound.
- Don't you want to find your real parents?
- As far as I'm concerned, my parents are my real parents. I don't need other parents. I have no need to meet people who probably had a perfectly good reason to give me away and who probably don't need me in their lives. If they are alive at all. I came from an orphanage, which is as far as my history goes. It's just doesn't seem worth it.
- Are you not grateful to your parents that they adopted you?
- Well, yes, I am aware that my life is much better now than it would have been, had they not. On the other hand, I do not spend my time being grateful for escaping something which I do not know what is. The human mind (and heart) doesn't work that way. Are you eternally grateful for your parents deciding to have you?
- What is your real name?
- My real name is Charlotte. I was given another name, which was written on my papers when I arrived in Denmark. I don't know who gave it to me or under which circumstances, but I do know that my parents decided upon Charlotte, the name with which I am baptised, a name which they cherished and have called me ever since. I am Charlotte.
- Have you ever come across racism?
- Sometimes. Up until I was a teen, I never noticed anything - both because I was too young to know, I guess, and also because things weren't that bad then. When more asylum seekers came to Denmark and they were more obvious in the streets, racism came too. People have shouted at me in the street. A guy I went to school with, told me once that he thought I was a nice person, but unfortunately it was very difficult for him to be friends with me, because he didn't like foreigners. He wasn't very clever but it still hurt. Both because he didn't want to be friends with me because of the way I looked but also because he saw me as a foreigner. However, I mainly encounter ignorance. I don't like when people refer to my parents as my adoptive parents. How they got me has nothing to do with anything.
In London, most people assume that I am Japanese. That's cool, Japanese people are cool people. Although I don't understand why men (and it is usually men) feel the need to address me in "my own language", greeting me with "Konichiwa" (which it, by the way, took me quite a while to find out what actually meant.) But that's not really a race-issue. That's just weird. What's different is also that people over here don't really seem to understand it when I say that I'm adopted. I think most people here who are adopted, are adopted from England itself.
Most people seem to think that being adopted is ultimately going to be a problem for the adoptee. But it doesn't have to be. I think that the problems (for me, anyway) only occur when people want to make them into a problem. I never saw myself as being a troubled child (on account of adoption) until many people started pointing out that it must be. Must. Then I started thinking about it, too much I think. I think it can be a problem especially if you are adopted late in life and have some sort of recollection of the life you left behind. That doesn't mean that I don't endorse adoption; I think under most circumstances, having parents is better than not having any. No matter where in the world they are. Which is also why I thoroughly endorse adoption by gay and lesbians. A gay parent is as competent in the parenting field as everyone else. What about the people who have kids and then come out of the closet? Not all adoptive parents are great parents, I know. But not all so-called "real" parents are either.
What I find weirdest is that whenever the adoption-debate rears its head in the media, adoptees are never asked for their opinions. There are interviews with so-called specialists and psychiatrists and agencies, but never do they speak to a well-rounded assortment of adopted children. Wouldn't that be the first place to go?
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